Chuck Norris Jokes
I have no idea where this originated, but it is hilarious.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type “Chuck Norris” into Google and hit “I’m Feeling Lucky!”.
Okay, then I went to Google, typed in Chuck Norris, and clicked I’m feeling lucky which took me to a page with lots more one-liners…
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.
Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris doesn’t have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the crap out of viruses. That’s why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
LOL. I just realized that I misspelled it “churck norris” after reading this post: “Obviously reading comprehension is missing on a lot of people here. I know who Chuck Norris is, I was wondering who Churck Norris is.” Wow. It’s time for sleep.
[…] I wanted to throw in a couple more funny Chuck Norris lines. “Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.” ” “Chuck Norris does not know about this site. Otherwise he would have deleted the internet.” […]
Chuck Norris’s tears can cure cancer…..too bad he’s never cried.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting, Chuck norris goes killing….Hunting implies failure
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse in the face, now we call it a giraffe.
When Chuck Norris was a kid his parents gave him a toy hammer, he gave the world Stonehenge
Chuck Norris is the only person who can send a roundhouse kick in a e-mail
Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus
These jokes are halarious
i’ve been hearing these jokes at school and its been drivin me crazy i swore i’d stab the next person who said one and i finally fell into the craze and searched chuck norris jokes, i’m such a loser lol …ok they are funny.
Chuck Norris does not cut his grass, he simply stares at it and dares it to grow
we love Chuck Norris jokes, Helen Keller’s fav. color is Chuck Norris. It takes 20 minutes for Chuck Norris to watch 60 minutes. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. They once tried to make chuck norris toilet paper,
there was 1 problem…. it wouldn’t take shit from anybody. A guy once told Chuck Norris that the roundhouse kick is not the deadliest attack known to man… that statement was recorded as the biggest mistake ever… Thank you!
Chuck Norris won the lottery, and he didn’t even buy a ticket. These jokes are awesome.
Before going to bed every night the Boogeyman checks his closet for chuck norris
chuck norris sleeps with a night light on. Not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark,but because the dark is afraid of chuck norris
chuck norris once got in a knife fight…the knife lost
when chuck was a kid he didn’t sleep in superman pajamas….superman sleeps in chuck norris pajamas
i love the joke about the poker tournament
did u know that chuck norris once ate 2 72 oz steaks in 1 hour, well, actually in 15 min, he spend the first 45 min screwing the waiter
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress
#Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris
did u know that chuck norris is 1/8 cheeroke. not that hes part indian he ate one.
When the girl from the Ring climb out of the well and saw Chuck Norris…. She slit her wrists and fell back into the well!
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris wears batman pajamas.
Batman wears Chuck Norris Pajamas……
Chuck Norris once went to the grocery store
chuck norris doesnt tea bag, be potatoe sacks.
When Chuck Norris sleeps, he sleeps with a night light on. He is not scared of the dark, the dark is scared of him.
Chuck Norris once sued TNT beacause he thought the show, Law and Order, were copys of the names of his left and right legs.
One day, Chuck Norris was driving along and he saw a dead lamb on the side of the road. He brought it back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Soon, a great crowd gatherd and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the lamb in the neck, killing it. He did this to show the people that the great Chuck Norris giveth, and the great Chuck Norris taketh away.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
you dont say that chuck norris is hung like a horse you say that horses are hung like chuck norris.
little mrs. muffet sat on her tuffet untill chuck norris round-house her into a glacier
Chuck Norris died once. The Grim Reaper is still recovering.
Chuck was once round himself on an elevator with G-unit when they came out, they were white.
when chuck norris jumps in a lake, he doesn’t get wet – the water gets chuck norris-ed.
Chuck Noriris does not jack off. He makes u jack off.