Chuck Norris Jokes
I have no idea where this originated, but it is hilarious.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type “Chuck Norris” into Google and hit “I’m Feeling Lucky!”.
Okay, then I went to Google, typed in Chuck Norris, and clicked I’m feeling lucky which took me to a page with lots more one-liners…
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.
Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris doesn’t have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the crap out of viruses. That’s why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
LOL. I just realized that I misspelled it “churck norris” after reading this post: “Obviously reading comprehension is missing on a lot of people here. I know who Chuck Norris is, I was wondering who Churck Norris is.” Wow. It’s time for sleep.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in three moves
what are two things chuck norris loves to do…….
kick ass and your girlfriend
if it looks like chiken,smells like chiken,and tastes like chiken and chuck norris says its beef THEN GOD DAMNIT ITS BEEF!!!
the reason light is so fast is because chuck norris roundhouse kicked the **** out of it.
chuck norris’s mom changed his diaper once…once
Reply To:
“Chuck Norris
Apr 7th, 2006 at 4:43 pm
Didn’t think the real thing ever read these huh? Well guess what kids, YOURE DEAD!!”
If you were really Chuch Norris, we would already all be dead.
Chuck Norris is allowed to press all the buttons in the elevator
Chuck Norris isn’t fat anymore
Chuck Norris doesn’t have nightmares, he invented them
Chuck Norris “ain’t neva scared”
Chuck Norris can save you more money on your car insurance than geico
Chuck Norris doesn’t have a cell phone, he just shouts and everyone listens
Ghandi was so peaceful, Chuck Norris killed him
Whoever said the devil is the ruler of hell is wrong. The devil rules a place for a bunch of bad dead people. Chuck Norris is real Hell and no one can rule him.
Chuck Norris killed both his parents for naming him “Chuck.” what a dumb name.
A new lethal weapon is coming out. It is about Chuck Norris’ right leg.
Chuck Norris plays king of the hill on Brokeback Mountain
The only thing faster than the speed of light is Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once sold water to a well
lol chuck norris is the bestest. go chuck norris
chuck norris went to a mcdonalds once at 10:35 and ordered an egg mcmuffin after they refused to serve it to him he roundhouse kicked the building and it turned into a KFC
Chuck Norris doesn’t cut his grass he stares at it and dares it to grow.
when chuck norris was given a hammer as a child as a birthday gift the result was stonehenge
New Halo3 information has leaked spilling the ending to Halo3, the entire covenant, flood, ark, forerunner, and mankind were annihilated with a new source of power, more powerful than all halo rings activating, after the ending credits the masterchief removed his helmet finally revealing his true identy… Chuck Norris
Meteros have been too afraid to crash into Earth since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born.
chuck norris once roundhouse kicked benjimen franklin to the face so he could say that i chuck norris invented electricty …………
chuck norris doesnt have any locks on his doors he loves to roundhouse kick robbers in the face
chuck norris doesnt have 911 on speed dial, he has his own number on speed dial….
there are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq… chuck norris lives in Oklahoma
some people say chuck noriss is a myth…now some people are dead..
the only way to stop chuck norris is to clone chuck norris and use the cloned chuck norris to kill him, but the problem is that there would still be a chuck norris so technically there is no way to stop chuck norris.
chuck norris dosent look under his bed for the boogie monster the boggie monster look over his bed for chuck norris
i have some more its just i cant remember since chuck roundhouse kicked me it the head
Chuck Norris pubic hair is the main ingrediant in sos pads