Chuck Norris Jokes
I have no idea where this originated, but it is hilarious.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type “Chuck Norris” into Google and hit “I’m Feeling Lucky!”.
Okay, then I went to Google, typed in Chuck Norris, and clicked I’m feeling lucky which took me to a page with lots more one-liners…
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.
Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris doesn’t have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the crap out of viruses. That’s why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
LOL. I just realized that I misspelled it “churck norris” after reading this post: “Obviously reading comprehension is missing on a lot of people here. I know who Chuck Norris is, I was wondering who Churck Norris is.” Wow. It’s time for sleep.
chuck norris first killed when he was 5 seconds old…………….no one slaps chuck norris
eveloution never actually happened… its only the animals chuck norris let live
a vampire bit chuck norris 12 hours later the vampire turned into chuck norise
chuck norris dosent sleep…. he waits
chuck norris is the only guy to finish a game of conect 4 in 3 turns says
when the hulk gets mad he turns into chuck norris…..
chuck norris doesnt believe in germany
How many Chuck Norris’ dose it take to screw in a lightbulb?One,Do u want to know why because he’s Chuck Norris.
The Laws of Physics say that Chuck Norris can’t grow any more muscle mass. Chuck, pissed, roundhoused kick every Laws of Physics man on earth. He can now grow any amount of muscle mass whenever he want.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a boner, there were no survivors
-Chuck norris doesnt take a crap! He leaves a crap
-Chuck norris got kicked out of taco bell because he thought “outside the bun” then he roundhoused kicked all the employees and got what he wanted
-Chuck norris went to Burger King and “had it his way”
Chuck Norris doesn’t drink Red Bull. He drinks the red blood of bulls.
Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick with his right leg, and his left leg. At the same time.
When yu have a dream about Chuck Norris, you’ll wake up in a cold sweat and a bootprint on your face.
Chuck Norris doesent wear a watch….. he decides what time it is.
Hitler didnt kill himself chuck norris round house kicked him in the head.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, thats why theres no signs of life.
chuck norrises sperm once went through 13 condoms a brick wall and the 1975 steelers offensive line just to get to you.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use spell check, Chuch Norris decides how to spell.
i dont know if this has been posted yet but………………..
I know why the dinosaurs are extinct, two words.
a meteor………………….
that he roundhouse kicked from his house on the moon!@!!!!!!!!%$*
Chuck Norris does not have a beard. it is just his knuckle hair from his chin-fist.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use Trogan, Trogan uses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once stubbed his toe…and the state of Ohio blew up.
Chuck Norris was once stopped at an Airport Security check for bringing his MASSIVE guns into the airport.
One time Chuck Norris destroyed a whole entire ant pile with only a magniying glass…in the dark!
Kryptonyte does not exsist……………………….It is Really Chuck Norris in crystal form.
There is no God……………………………………………………………But there is CHUCK NORRIS!
Death Penelty Options
( ) lethal injection
( ) Electric Chair
( ) Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris does not wear cloths, it is just his powers of illusion.
Hiroshima was not bombed, Chuck Norris just got mad while on vacation there.
When Chuck Norris was born……………………. no need to go on.