Chuck Norris Jokes
I have no idea where this originated, but it is hilarious.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type “Chuck Norris” into Google and hit “I’m Feeling Lucky!”.
Okay, then I went to Google, typed in Chuck Norris, and clicked I’m feeling lucky which took me to a page with lots more one-liners…
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.
Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris doesn’t have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the crap out of viruses. That’s why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
LOL. I just realized that I misspelled it “churck norris” after reading this post: “Obviously reading comprehension is missing on a lot of people here. I know who Chuck Norris is, I was wondering who Churck Norris is.” Wow. It’s time for sleep.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
chuck norris created amonkey so mean that not eaven he could spank it!
then he spanked his monkey just show you who CHUCK NORRIS is.
If you ever have the feeling that someone is watching you… it’s chuck norris
chuck uses tabasco sauce as eye drops.
who would win a fight between jet li and jacky chan? chuck norris…
chuck doesn’t read. he stare at the book till it gives him the information he wants.
in a scheme of profit making, ckuck norris decided to bottle his pee. today we call it RED BULL…
ckuck norris doesn’t sleep… he waits!
The tsunami didn’t happen because of an earthquake. Chuck Norris just dove into the ocean.
when chuck norris plays a video game, the video game lets him win, out of fear of being round-housed
Chuck Norris has two speeds, walk and KILL.
Chuck Norris` tears cure cancer ; too bad he never cries.
Do u know who Chuck Norris is? He knows who u are?!?!?!
Chuck Norris can speak Brial.
When Chuck Norris donates blood he says “Give me a shotgun and a kiddy pool.”
Chuck Norris is so tough he uses picked fences as toothpicks and electric telephone wires as floss.
Chuck Norris was at a football game, and the team was about to kick a field goal from the 60 yard line, but instead Chuck Norris grabbed a 3 year old, roundhouse kicked it through the goal and preceded to have sex with every woman in the audiance.
Chuck Norris was the -1st president of the united states of America, and ecuador.
“Alien vs. Predator” is an autobiogrphy of Chuck Norris’s first sexual encounter.
There is no such thing as ice, there is only water scared stiff by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke
the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while
she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
when referring to chuck norris you may only reffer to chuck norris as chuck norris
there is no such thing as a lesbian only a woman who has not yet met….chuck norris
chuck norris is so scary chuck strikes fear into the heart..of chuck norris
chuck norris once went to the virgin islands when chuck norris returned they were henceforth known simply as…the islands
since the birth of chuck norris roundhouse kick related deaths have gone up 13000%
chuck norris once sold his soul to the devil for rugged good looks and karate prowess he than roundhoused the devil and took back his soul the devil realizeing he should forseen this and being one to appreciate irony simply laughed they now play poker evrey tuesday
Theres no such thing as evolution- its just a list of animals chuck norris allows
Chuck norris is the reason why waldo is hiding
Chuck norris once walked down the street with a massive erection, there were no known survivors
Chuck norris knows what willis is talkin’ bout
Chuck Norris played russian roulete with a fully loaded gun and won
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.
Hellen Kellers favorite color is Chuck Norris
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 trillion words.
chuck norris sleeps with a night light… not because he is afraid of the dark, because the dark is afraid of him
Chuck norris’ tears cure cancer..to bad he has never cried
rather than being birthed like a normal child chuck norris decided to punch his way through his mothers womb, shortly thereafter he grew a beard
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany… So it doesn’t exist…
Hellen Kellers favorite color is Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can watch 60 minutes in 20 minutes
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 trillion words.
Chuck Norris can believe its not butter.
Chuck norris can blow square bubbles
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King…….and got one!!!
Chuck Norris doesn’t give Christmas presents, if you live to see Christ mas that’s his gift to you!!
Chuck Norris doesn’t get brain freeze, slushies know when to back the hell off!!