Chuck Norris Jokes
I have no idea where this originated, but it is hilarious.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type “Chuck Norris” into Google and hit “I’m Feeling Lucky!”.
Okay, then I went to Google, typed in Chuck Norris, and clicked I’m feeling lucky which took me to a page with lots more one-liners…
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.
Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris doesn’t have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the crap out of viruses. That’s why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
LOL. I just realized that I misspelled it “churck norris” after reading this post: “Obviously reading comprehension is missing on a lot of people here. I know who Chuck Norris is, I was wondering who Churck Norris is.” Wow. It’s time for sleep.
the twiin towers were not blown up by terrorist, Chuck Norris was just playing with his toy airplanes.
when chuck tells bad jokes everyone laugh other wise they would die
this web site is so stupid that makes it funny
chuck norris once lost a fight to superman but thats what chuch norris wants you to think
Chuck Norris went up to God and said “You’re in my seat.”
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to wax his ski’s…they’re always slick with blood.
Chuck Norris was the one who pooped in the pool.
Chuck Norris knows where Waldo is on every page. Even the pirate one.
OMGMF !!!!….. I LOVE CHRUCK NORRIS ….. HES THEM MAN …man LMAO ….
chuck norris once defeated the whole canadian army with a wooden spoon…
Chuck Norris once ran around the world so fast, he roundhouse kicked himself in the back of the head.
hey paul lasch your hilarious
Chuck Norris CAN see John Cena
One time… Chuck Norris purposely dropped his pudding onto the cafeteria floor. The fat lunch lady then yelled at Chuck to pick up the chocolate waste. The fat lunch lady was found 10 days later in the frier with pudding coming out of her eyes and an indent in her face. The principle claims she got a fatty roundhouse.
Geico caved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris
The Easter Bunny does not hide Easter Eggs . . . the eggs are hiding from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t file his taxes. When supposed to send in his forms, Chuck sends an 8×6 photograph of himself, poised to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes.
anybody can piss on the floor but, chuck norris can shit on the cieling.
patrick gave chuck norris a look once………once!
patrick gave a hickie to chuck norris once….twice..
any body can slap there parents but patrick can smack them!
When chuck norris goes swimming in the ocean, chuck norris doesn’t get wet, the
ocean gets chuck norris
When chuck norris was born he round-housed the doctor because no one delivers
chuck norris but chuck norris
When chuck norris does push ups he doesn’t push himself up, he pushes the world
down
Chuck norris’ blood is a healing potion, and will heal every injury but chuck
norris has never and will never bleed
Chuck norris could never rape anyone because for it to be raped, the person
would have to NOT want to have sex with chuck norris
The strongest and most majical material in the world is hair from chuck norris’
beard
Chuack norris’ hair is holding the world together
Chuck norris will never die because for chuck norris to die cuck norris would
have to be ill or weak
When chuck norris was born, he came out feet first and roundhouse kicked the doctor because no one delivers chuck norris but chuck norris
Stop telling these jokes about me! I have feelings too you know!
How many Chuck Norris’s does it take to change a lightbulb? None because the light bulb knows whats best for it.
Luke Skywalker didn’t destroy the death star, Chuck Norris did, it was in his way when he was tanning so he destoyed it.